Heartbreaking

It's those moments when you're being your hippy self and things just roll down the hill with one phone call. She is bad news. I always feel good and lively when our conversation goes well. However intentions are always present. Either that or straight down to asking for the favour.

She's a good friend and not one whom I call an aquaintance, but it seems like she's turning to one. I am all the way out with her and would help her whenever possible. I dont hear from her unless she needs a favour. Favour after favour and it seems that is all there is to our 'friendship', to the extend that I feel used.

Just yesterday she asked me for something again. I told her exactly how i felt and yes, she did admit she was taking advantage of my forever-willing helping hand but she didnt mean to. I trust her but I dont trust her. I made a deal and demanded an honest decision from her. If you value our friendship and start being a friend again, she is more than welcome to show up at my doorstep later today. If she feels otherwise, I guess I wont be seeing her for a very long time and she claims not to bother me anymore.

I am afraid of the outcomes. What is so tantalizing about this friendship of ours? Why am I making her choose when I already know what's to come ahead? Am I a weakling? It's amazing how I let her hurt me over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if it was really happening. But I still think of her as a great friend. Does she?